rabbi journal

eddypoop7 said:

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I would take my concerta right now but ill feel like shit for the rest of today and my mom would get mad

Fuck my noob life

I've been watching a lot of Dr. Phil and Divorce Court lately because initially I wanted to see how normalcaca live their lives and what problems they encounter. It's honestly fucking sad, these people that you'd see on the street have all of these bullshit issues and I don't know how they get through them. Divorce, affairs, child support, employment problems, relationships, blah blah blah. And I've found that these videos are very helpful grounding me in reality. Sometimes I think everything will be fine and things will work out, but not even married families are doing okay. People seem miserable 24/7 and they just put up with it. I'm not cut out for dealing with even half of the issues they bring up in these TV shows. They've also made me realize how stunted I am - sure, I'm only 20, but I'm doing the bare minimum in life. I have a diploma, car, license, and I don't know why. What is the point of all of those things? A hypothetical future? I don't know what I'll do when I get out of college. I feel as if I'm on an entirely different plane of existence compared to these people, not in a superior/inferior sense either. I feel sad now.

Whenever I go on 4chan /r9k/ I play this game now, where I click on threads with really dummyed shit (femcel larp, real womanism, racebait, etc) and assume they have an iPhone/iOS image filename. For those who don't know, iOS files uploaded to 4chan all use "IMG_XXXX" or sometimes UUID4 strings.

I've practiced it a lot lately, and 80% of the time it is posted from an iPhone. Android filenames are also a thing ever since Android 14 (typically a string of digits like 100000048) but the iPhone ones always post the dumbest shit. Idk

I really like this guy's videos, he's some British dude that goes around the world and just talks with locals & walks around. Dude radiates charisma, even if he doesn't know the language he almost always gets along with everyone
I wish i could be like him one day, I can't even talk to people in my own country. They've also shown me that most people around the world are genuinely good, often times governments divide people more than anything else. Idk

I am thinking about buying one of these on eBay, just a bare 386 (probably DX, I'm not broke in Malawi). You know how autistic dummys used to love fidget spinners/cubes a decade ago? That is my interpretation of one. The ceramic heat spreader should be a rough equivalent of a soothing stone.

The only potential issue might be the pins sticking out, but I could probably find a piece of foam so they won't stab me. Initially I had considered a 286 instead, but the cool thing about the 386 is how it's technically the first 32-bit x86 processor. Up until a few years ago, most Linux distributions still offered an "i386" ISO. I highly doubt something like Debian would actually work on a literal 386, they're probably made for the more modern 32-bit models (Atom N270 from ~2007, roughly on par with a mobile PIII)

I went to a metal concert with my older sister tonight and it was fun. I thought it'd be lame but I was pleasantly surprised. She finally got a job offer at a local hospital and I can't help but feel happy for her, even considering how bitter I usually am.